Welcome to the seventh edition of Friday Night Write!
The Challenge
- 1 Song
- 60 Hours
- 500 Words
The Basics
- New prompt posts at 12 pm pacific on Friday
- Listen to the song HERE
- Let it stir up a story
- Post your story (or story link) in the comment box below
- Submissions open Friday @ 12:00 pm EST and close Sunday @ midnight EST
The Details
- The music is merely the catalyst for your muse.
- The story does not have to contain any reference to the song.
- The story you create is entirely your own and Sweet Banana Ink makes no claim to it.
- You are encouraged to post your story on your own blog as well as posting in our comments box.
NEW THIS WEEK
- Twelve more hours to write!
- Judging for Winner, Pet and Honorable Mention
- Presentation of Winner's Badge (on Tuesday).
This week's song was chosen by our first FNW judge: JEFF TSURUKOA. 
Questions? Give us a holler via email (sweetbananaink@gmail.com) or twitter (@bullishink). We look forward to writing alongside you this weekend! Can’t wait to see what stories Diamond stirs up!
Once again, I find myself unable to stray from Carlo’s story
So here is my entry:
Dear My Sweet Jules,
I don’t know if you will ever be able to read this letter. But I need to write it, regardless.
I saw you last night, here, in my house. It could have been my imagination, and maybe I was dreaming… but I don’t think so. You were here, I know it.
How it was possible, I have no idea. I watched you die with my own eyes. Murdered mercilessly, while I was helpless to stop it. I held your limp body in my arms.
I broke that day.
You are why I am even alive. Before you found me, I was lost. I was a ruthless killer with no reason to behave otherwise. But you gave me that reason—a light to a man with a pitch black heart. You saved me.
So how am I supposed to move on, if you are not alive? I would have run away with you. Would have left behind this life of misery and death, and given you everything you could ever need. I would have stood by you, comforted you, protected you.
Protect? I guess I failed you there. And for that, my love, I am so terribly sorry.
Like I said, if indeed you are gone, how could I live with myself if I did not make sure your murderer was brought to justice. All my leads have run dry. The man I thought had the answers…I don’t know if he’s telling the truth. The man I thought was responsible for your death…he seems to be innocent. I don’t know who to trust anymore. I am running out of options, and I don’t know what to do next.
But… and this is the key…
What if you are alive? What if I only thought you were dead, or your death was faked? That would be an incredible light in my, once again, dark world.
I will never stop hoping. Never stop looking.
I love you… Even death cannot change that.
So come back to me.
Yours Forever,
Carlo
Carlo laid his fountain pen on his mahogany desk, folded the letter, and wrote Jules’ name on the front. Propping the letter on his night stand, he turned off the lights and laid down in his half-empty bed.
Carlo slept soundly, and woke the next morning with a peace he had not felt since Jules was still with him.
On his night stand, the letter sat open with his fountain pen laying next to it.
At the bottom of the page, the words “I love you too,” were written in Jules’ perfect handwriting.
oooooooooh…now I’m really hooked. Confusion and mystery…love this.
This is great, I’m loving hearing more of Carlo’s story. writing it as a letter was inspired, so much mystery here, keep going I have to know what happens next
Such a cool way to end it!!! Hope this story continues
OMG, I am so so so hopeful that she is ALIVE!! Ackkkk!! Wonderful twist!!
Felt But Never Said
She awoke slowly to the feel of a cool cloth on her brow and the warm light of his smile. She tried to speak but her voice was little more than a hoarse gasp.
“Easy there, missy. Best try a bit of this to oil the pipes first.” He cradled her neck and eased her upwards toward the flexible straw that protruded from the plastic cup.
She sipped slowly before she tried again at speech, “Have…have you been here all night then, Sam?”
His grinned, widely, before replying. “Well, more on the order of all night and then most of the day. It’s three in the afternoon now.”
“Ohmigod Sam! Have you eaten or slept at all?”
“You let me do the worrying on me an’ you just fixate yo’self on gettin’ better.”
“Oh, my dear devoted Sam. You know there won’t be any getting better for me. You were right there when Dr. Carstairs explained…” Her whispering voice trailed off.
She turned her face away from him so he might not see the tears welling in her eyes. “Why, Sam? Why do you stay with me when it’s all but guaranteed I won’t ever be any better?”
“Well, missy, I –“
“If you’re concerned over where you’ll go or how you’ll get by, you know I told you, years ago, anything I had was yours for the asking.”
He gently gripped her chin in one large hand and turned her to face him. His eyes held a smoldering anger she’d not believed him any longer capable of.
“That the kind of man you think me to be, missy? When did Ole Sam slip so low in your eyes you think he’d cut and run on you? You tell me when, missy?”
“I never meant –“
“I know you wasn’t meanin’ to shame me, but you need to be recollectin’ on how it was we met.”
“But…I don’t like to bring up those times. That’s ancient history now.”
“Ain’t to me, it ain’t to me. It was the 8th Street Mission an’ you was there volunteerin’. I was dirty as a dog, drunk as a skunk, and evil as the day was long.”
Her smile was wan but genuine, “I’ve not forgotten, Sam.”
“You cleaned me up, took me in and showed me what it was to be a man again ‘stead of some sick, used-up animal. No, I won’t forget, missy. I can’t.”
With gentle care he embraced her, his hand stroking the smooth, bald head once covered in luxuriant auburn tresses.
He leaned close and whispered softly, “No, missy. Ole Sam, he won’t never forget an’ won’t never go away. He is yours now and for every breath until your very last, he will be. Now you get you some rest and I promise I’ll go find me a sandwich, eh?”
Knowing it would’ve embarrassed him to hear her actually speak the words, she waited until he was well gone to whisper softly, “I love you too, Sam.”
Great story. I especially love the last line!
Yet again you wring so much emotion from me with your writing, I love this and agree the last line is fantastic
This one has twisted me up since I read it. There's a lot of emotion in this for me…so that's good, very powerful.
Ah, you do ooey gooey so well
A lovely story of hope and devotion!!
It's very hard for me to comment on this one because every time I read it, I start bawling like a baby. Really wonderful writing, Jeffrey!
She stopped at my desk one day, an hour before lunch. “Walk with me.” She didn’t ask. She knew I would. I remember so clearly the tone of her voice. The tension in it. The fear. The confusion. I took a good look into her eyes. The pretty blue that I normally saw was gone. Replaced by an intense, panic-stricken blue.
I got up, and took a walk with her. Would have gone anywhere she asked. My heart told me too. Told me something was horribly wrong. We walked through the halls of the building. A path we’d walked before. No one watching us would have thought anything was wrong. Somehow, I knew that’s what she wanted.
I opened the door to the stairs, and let her through. Then followed. As we walked down the stairs, she told me what was wrong. “That doctor’s appointment, Friday? That was a mammogram. I got the results last night.” She stopped walking and held on to the stair rail. She closed her eyes, briefly, and took a breath. “It’s breast cancer.”
I stood there, next to her. On the stairs. “I knew something was wrong. When you told me you were going to the doctor’s on Friday, everything went black.”
“I’m scared,” She resumed our descent down the stairs. “Really scared.”
I didn’t say anything. She knew how I felt. Knew I considered her to be my friend. I understood she was trusting me with information she didn’t want others to know. As we reached the foot of the stairs, she paused again. “I need you here. I need you to be here. For me. Can you be here? For me?”
If I were a knight on a horse, I would have drawn my sword, and fought any dragon she asked me to. If she was surrounded by a fire, I would have burned in the flames, trying to rescue her. If she were the captain of a sinking ship, I would have put her on the last lifeboat, in my place.
I was none of those things. I was just me. Another person she worked with five days a week. A friend who took pictures of flowers and shared them with her. Someone that tried to write poetry every now and then. She always asked to read everything I wrote.
“Yes.”
There was nothing else I could have said.
I wish I could tell you how things ended. I wish I could tell you how she’s doing. That it all worked out OK. That I walked through hell with her. But I can’t. The simple truth is 12 weeks after her first surgery, I was sent out on medical leave. All contact between myself, and the people I worked with was banned. That was two years ago. And in that two years, I have never heard from any of the people that I used to know.
500 words.
@LurchMunster
So didn't expect that end, nicely done
Very unexpected ending…and sad, so sad.
This such a powerful piece – and that closing paragraph had me reaching for a hanky! I'm glad you didn't choose the easy way out because the story was so much more gripping this way!!
Thank you so much for entering!!
(If this appears in the finished story it will be very near the end after all the big action)
326 Words
Razor Girl – Things Unknown
Miri pushed the hospital door open quietly even though she knew Lucy was still unconscious. She stopped just inside the door not making a sound. Gregory, the owner of The Black Cat was sitting next to Lucy’s bed holding her hand and speaking softly. Miri frowned trying to remember if Greg and Lucy had been close. She could just make out what he was saying.
“Luce you gotta wake up baby. Who knows what might happen if you aren’t around to keep me in line. Who’s gonna yell at me for making the girls’ shifts too long if you just keep sleeping here in this bed? You know I’ll just run amok and…” his whispering voice cracked at the tears started down his face. “Lucy I don’t care what you are or what you aren’t…just so long as you wake up. I just need you to be here.”
Miri silently opened the door and backed out of the room. She leaned against the wall across from the door and waited. Ten minutes later Greg came out. His eyes were red and his face was etched with weariness and worry.
“You’ve been paying the hospital bills.” Miri said as she crossed the hall to him.
He shrugged, “Yeah.”
Miri smiled sadly, “She doesn’t know does she?”
He shook his head, “And she doesn’t need to, she needs you and Sam and Selena.”
Miri put her hand on his arm, “Greg…”
“No Miri, when she wakes up, and she will wake up, it’s all gonna crash down on her. Not just Gabriel and Nell but the Council and the pack too. Her whole world is gonna be upside down. She needs her family, her real family and that’s you. I’m just the smartass who keeps her favorite whiskey behind the bar and makes her laugh now and then. That’s good enough for now.”
Miri gave him a tight smile, he kissed her lightly on the cheek and left.
oh my god!! this is so good, I really want to knkw what happened to put her in hospital….and Greg what a sweetie.
Love it!! Left me with so many questions
Man, I cannot wait to see how this all lines up. You keep thowing us curveballs and ratcheting up the tension!!
OK here is my entry – really struggled this week but at least I got something done
<a href="http://www.officemango.com/?p=119">Absence</a>
Stepping onto the plane 6 years ago was the hardest thing he thought he would ever have to do, yet here he was about to face his past and this was proving much harder. He wondered how much she had changed-would she be the same carefree soul he’d fallen in love with or had his leaving destroyed that part of her; that spark of life that allowed anyone in her presence to experience a joy unlike any other.
Arriving at the hotel he was surprised to see that it hadn’t changed much. A lick of paint, a couple of new pictures in the lobby the only tell tale signs that time had passed. Memories of that last night came flooding back. He remembered how he had planned to take her to dinner and have the engagement ring presented at the end of meal with the coffee, but things didn’t work out that way. She wore the green dress that he loved, her hair was down which he always preferred, all in all she was beautiful. Halfway through the meal he suddenly realised that he would never love her as much as she loved him-it wasn’t fair to let her believe that, he had to leave sooner rather than later before he made a mistake that could ruin both their lives. She was worth so much more than he could ever give and so before the coffees arrived, he had left. No explanation; no goodbye.
So here he was 6 years later standing in the lobby of that same hotel where he had left her. It was pure chance that he had discovered that she would be at the hotel, on this date, at this time-maybe fate would give him another chance. It had taken 6 years but then he’d always been a bit slow when it came to his emotions-he needed her, she made him whole but it took living without her for 6 long years for him to realise it.
‘David, is that you?’ turning his heart stopped, she was as beautiful as he remembered. Standing watching her come through the lobby towards him, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
‘I never realised how much white suited you’ he said, then noticed what was round her neck. His engagement ring, forgotten in his haste to leave all these years ago, she had retrieved it and worn it all this time-could he hope that she still loved him. Tears flowed down his cheeks.
‘You came back, I wasn’t sure you would’ smiling she kissed the tears from his face, ‘we can leave when your ready, just say the word’.
‘But what about your wedding?’
‘It’s best this way, I could never love him as much as he loves me, or as much as I love you’
With that she took his hand and they left; no explanation, no goodbye.
I like how she ends it with the one she was leaving the same way he did with her in the past. I love it when the characters who are in love end up together… So this story made me smile!
great job!
I love the full circle feel of this. No explanation. No goodbye. Sometimes time heals our wounds, and sometimes, it puts them in focus.
Ahhhh…it circles around nicely.
My entry for this week: http://lilliemcferrin.com/friday-night-write-captain-of-a-shipwreck/
“How many times do I have to remind you to shut the valve off after you perform an extermination?”
Susan was fuming. It was so difficult to find a reliable assistant anymore. Sure, Greg could keep his mouth shut; she had him terrified enough to know he’d be next if he became a liability, but leaving the valve open could be the death of them all.
“I’m sorry, Susan. It was stupid of me.”
A stiff nod was her only response.
The knock at the door alerted them to the delivery of the next round of exterminees. Crime was rampant in these parts and rather than deal with the expense of lengthy litigation or due process, the CIA implemented a ghost unit to deal with these problems permanently.
Susan was surprised this delivery was of only two people. “Slow day?” she asked Rick, a street cop.
“Yeah, caught these two trying to break into the new jewelry shop over on Brickman Ave. Girl has a few priors, but all as a minor; junior over there has a clean slate, but the owners always press charges. Chief Hanagan just said to send them to you. What are you going to do with them?”
“Oh, we’ll just make sure they stay out of trouble from now on,” she replied, her stock response.
“Alright, well I’m out, they’re all yours.”
These were two of the most terrified criminals she’d ever seen, couldn’t have been more than twenty-two in Jane’s estimation. Sometimes this was a tough job, but she’d sworn to serve and protect, so what could she do?
“All yours Greg,” she said. “And, don’t forget the valve this time, please.”
Greg jumped right into action, flipping switches and firing up the execution chamber. By the time things were a go, he was sweating bullets from the heat the machine seethed.
He stopped a moment to study the two detainees, heads together, whispering softly.
“Whatever happens here, I will be with you. We can get out of this together,” the girl said, squeezing the boy’s hands tightly between hers.
They locked eyes, seemingly carrying on the conversation without words.
“I know. I know. Mama will get the money some other way. She’ll get her transplant; she has to. It was a stupid, stupid plan anyway. Who robs a jewelry store?” he said, clearly an attempt to interject a little levity to their situation.
She nodded slowly. “Yep, we are such idiots. I had changed my mind when we got there. I was about to tell you it was dumb when the cops showed up.”
“I was getting ready to put the breaks on myself,” he said, with a smile.
“Well we’ve got a mess on our hands, but this storm we can weather together. I love you.”
Greg had never been a romantic, but twenty minutes later when he’d secured the two into the compartment, injected them with the serum, and opened the valve, he felt like a murderer for the first time.
500 words
Damn! That is one harsh world.
Wow,great story! So heartbreaking
Love your alternate reality/world take on this! You know, I'm such a sappy hopeful thing, that I got teary when I realized they really were going to die. Great storytelling, Lillie!!
what an awful situation but really well told.
Taking a seat on a bench overlooking the dock, he opens his cooler and offers one of the sandwiches to the woman on the far end of the bench.
She shakes her head. “Don’t feel much like eating.”
“Been a while, hasn’t it?”
“What are you? My mother?”
He chuckles. “Nope. Just an interested party.”
“Go home, Sam. Forget about me. Live your life.”
“Well now, that’s where things get a little bumpy,” he says, taking a bite of his sandwich.
She fidgets on the bench until her patience snaps. “Did you come to eat or talk?”
“A little of both. Was hoping it would be more of a cooperative thing. Eating together. Talking together. You sure you don’t want a sandwich?”
“Give me a damn sandwich. Merde, but you’re annoyingly persistent!”
He takes a swig of ice tea and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. “You can’t take much more of this, Alexis. Let me help you. I talked to my brother this week. He offered to buy me out and I accepted.”
She hurls the sandwich into the water. “We agreed not to do that. That’s your family history, Sam. And now that my dad forfeited mine, it’s all we had left.”
“I know, Lexy, but I got to thinking that in order to hold into the present, I needed to let go of the past. I mean, you having to start from scratch, right, so why not do it together, on a level playing field.”
“Even with what you just gave up, it’s hardly level. My father was charged with bilking billions of dollars out of people’s investment funds and singlehandedly tanking the country’s economy. And let’s not forget about the six figure sum you just deposited in your savings account after signing off on your family’s business.”
He looks out past the park to the inlet. “About that. I didn’t deposit the money. I bought us a little going away present.”
“Going away?”
“I remembered how much you loved the sailing excursion we took while we were in Tahiti last year, so I bought a cabin sailboat.”
She stares at him. “You’ve lost your mind.”
“Nope,” he says with a grin. “I got it to get you out from under all the court and media scrutiny and hate mail and death threats. The courts and investigators don’t want you. Just your worldly possessions. We can get on that boat right now and sail away. End of story far as the world is concerned.”
“Just get on the boat?”
He stands and holds his hand out to her. “That’s right. Walk to the end of the dock, jump into the water, swim out to the boat.”
She takes his hand. “That’s the kind of ‘until death do you part’ I want in on.”
He chuckles. “Last one on deck makes dinner.”
She drops his hand and races for the water.
(498 words)
Ooh I love it! I especially like the playfuness in the ending.
The things we do for love – loved her last line, tugged my heart and the way you round it off is great, they really do have a furture
Gotta love the chance to escape via the ocean. Always a dream of mine. Lovely.
Love this so much!!! He's a wonderful man